And the Oscar goes to......

Naomi Watts - --- for what the frick were you thinking with that dress???

Dolly Parton ----- for someone PLEASE explain!!!!!!! The woman defies gravity! Her breasts outweigh all her other body fat combined. How is this woman standing upright????

Owen and Luke ----- for being their cute selves!

Jennifer Aniston ----- A+++++ on a fabulous gown and good hair!

the red carpet---- for without which this annual event would be a ghastly bore!

No Hugs for Nick

In a What Not to Wear first (at least that we can recall), self-nominated, severely fashion-challenged super nanny from we can't remember where DECLINES to have Nick Arrojo cut her hair - which by the way is down to her ass. Even after he tries to convince her by showing videoclips of others who have feared before, this nanny sticks to her guns and turns down a free haircut makeover with a stylist anyone else would need a year and 400 bucks to get in to see!- No wash, no cut, no blowdry, and most definitely NO HUG!!! Carmandy could barely convince her to use clear lip gloss - but the nanny finally conceeded to do so 'on special occasions'.

Here's the deal - if you're going to nominate yourself for a makeover show - be willing to get made over or don't play the game!

The Bachelor.... Yawnfest!

Alrighty...the Bachelor is over and Moana may not be the only one who needs therapy! What was that?

The hottie Bachelor, Travis Stork gives the final rose (and a ring on a necklace) to hometown "nice, respectable" girl Sarah from Tennessee in what had to be the most anti-climactic, least romantic, least heartfelt Bachelor ending we've ever seen!!!

After Travis pours out his feelings and let's Sarah know she's won his heart, all Sarah can say to him is "You're perfect for me." What???? We've heard her utter those words at least 10x since the show began. It's never, "you're wonderful, you're this, you're that...I love you because you're...." Seems like Travis just fits nicely into her husband checklist or at least that's how she expresses it with camera around. And while Travis' father poo-pooed Moana for not being able to verbalize what it was about Travis that she loved, everyone watching could see they had something together. If Sarah and Travis have a true romantic spark ABC's editors did a good job at hiding it...all we saw was Travis laughing anytime he tried to kiss her (which wasn't often), while Moana on the other hand he couldnt keep his hands off of!!

Even Travis' young neice liked Moana better! (Kids and dogs know what's up!) As an aside, we're sure this little girl is now thrilled to have had that opinion aired for all to see now that Sarah will be hanging out with her at the playground and family functions.

If it werent' for Moana, this season's Bachelor would have been more than a snoozefest, it would have been in a coma!!!! Can someone call a Doctor! We've got an emergency!

Idol - Game On!

Alright, now that we've weeded out the riff raff, the top 24 are kickin it. Game is on and game is gonna be GOOD! There's lots of talent on this season of idol, and lots of personality. Highlights from this week include Paula's bad hairdo tuesday, Ace's frightening constantine-like come hither stare on wednesday, Taylor's totally awesome elton rendition (despite his gray hair), Sway, Sway, Sway....and Simon actually uttering a few positive comments to some of the lucky few. Seems this season what is old news is Simon being Simon, what is new news is Paula taking on Simon at every turn.

Got swiffer?

Since when did swiffering become an olympic sport? no wonder the olympics ratings are down. you can see people swiffer in any kitchen or bathroom in the world. why turn on the tv to watch that? guess we can assume the gold medalist will have that sponsorship in the bag.

B is for Boring

Idol in Boston gets a big "B" for Boring, Big Hair and Bad Clay Impersonation!

Did someone call for a Stork?

ok, the latest bachelor is a hottie! he's got a bod of a god and he's yummy to look at!! Travis Stork, an er doctor, is a good wholesome proper southern gentleman. (No kissing on the first date, or the second or the...) He says all the right things and, the fact that he's a doctor sent all the woman screaching from the get go! This season of The Bachelor is probably the most "g-rated" version we've seen yet! And, despite travis' incredible good looks, this bachelor isnt' big on personality (that we can see at least, maybe he's saving it for off-camera). So, after last night when he sent one of the many under 25 yr old girls home, there are 3 bachelorettes left standing to fight the good fight for the much covetted title of Mrs. Doctor Who Ha. There's Sarah from tenessee who had to fly all the way to paris to meet the boy down the street. There's Susan who longs to be an actress. And Moana, who's only purpose on the show appears to be annoying everyone but Travis. Last night's hometown visits seemed as enjoyable as a root canal and with parents like Susan's - who needs enemies!! so with three left, and three overnight dates remaining, and three opportunities to 'use the key to spend the night as a couple in the suite', where will this take him. Money bets are on no nooky, no real chemistry with Sarah, more polite chit chat, and more crying from Moana. At only a few shows to go, this tvtalkers bets are on Moana by a landslide! Why? She's the only one who turns his lights on (albeit on a dimmer switch). Do we think it'll last? no. Do we think this bachelor has a better shot at finding true love on the plane back home to the states? you betchya!

austin, anyone home?

okay, everyone knows austin texas is like the big music town - lots of bands, hippy folk and musicians. So WHERE were all these people on last nite's american idol? or are they too cool for school? clearly the memo did not circulate! and... if you thought the other idol audition cities were bad , austin bit the big one! let's take for example, the girl from nc who nearly died in a plane mishap getting to the audition. I think we're all in agreement that her voice was NOT worth risking life and death for being heard. Seems the desire for fame is so great people will take to public humiliation just to get on television. More than a third of this seasons idol contestants would have had a real shot at tv fame had they been a bit more real with themselves! The Biggest Loser would have signed lots of these folks right up for a retreat at the ranch if they'd gone to the right audition! In past seasons of american idol, it used to be you had to have a 'better than average' voice and a little something special to win the 'golden hollywood ticket.' this season, what is abundently clear, is that america has run out of raw talent and we are now scraping the bottom of the vocal barrel to find anyone who can just carry a tune! you know idol's hitting bottom, when you're so bored watching it, you're fantasizing about having your way with simon. hopefully things will pick up as the weeks progress....history assures us they will.